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Some political humor for the upcoming elections.
You might be a Republican if...
- - -You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
- - -You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"
- - -You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
- - -You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"
- - -You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
- - -You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
- - -You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
- - -The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
- - -You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
- - -You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
- - -You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
- - -You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
- - -You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the s.o.b.s!!"
- - -You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
- - -You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
- - -You answer to "The Man."
- - -You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
- - -You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
- - -You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
- - -When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
- - -You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
- - -You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
- - -You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
- - -You think an assault rifle with 500 rounds of ammo is necessary to "defend your family"
- - -Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
- - -You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
- - -You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
- - -You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
- - -You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
- - -You call MLK Day "Dead colored guy day"
- - -You've ever called education a luxury.
- - -You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
- - -You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
- - -You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
- - -You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
- - -You're afraid of the "liberal media."
- - -You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
- - -You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of "pornographers."
- - -You think all artists are gay.
- - -You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
- - -You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
- - -You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
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| VOTE REPUBLICAN! - IT'S EASIER THAN THINKING |
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