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Dan McDonald wrote this piece. He contacted me recently and mentioned that his inspiration for the piece was Hugh Gallagher's college application essay, which has been widely ditributed round the net, and also appears in this archive.
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Newsgroups: rec.juggling
From: DMcDonld+RV08@rvdc.unisys.com
Subject: Re: What's average?
Date: Mon, 28 Mar 1994 20:56:33 GMT
Barry Sperling asks:
> What can the average juggler do ...?
THE AVERAGE JUGGLER
With a carefree air and a casual smile, a fluid, flowing, cat-like grace, and an easy manner, the Average Juggler plies his trade. He is a poet, a statesman, a dancer, and a con artist. He is above average at darts. His lightning reflexes and dazzling speed make him a natural computer programmer. Many times he is mistaken for that guy on TV.
The Average Juggler wears many hats, in a day when hats are completely out of style (except in baseball and yacht racing). He is an avid bicycle mechanic. His three ball moves have the polished look of old walnut furniture. The Average Juggler knows all the words. He recovers gracefully from drops by using classic diversion. Squid. He has read "Juggling for the Complete Klutz" and liked the pictures.
The Average Juggler has traveled the world and still tells knock-knock jokes. He understands siteswap, but prefers linguini. He likes Coke over Pepsi, chicken over beef, modified ordinal over Kappel, and sour cream on potatoes. He said No with Nancy for eight years but now he's saying How Much For The Whole Frotting Bag? He can kick up hot dogs into his five-bun pattern.
The Average Juggler made a name for himself on the street, but kept confusing it with the name his parents gave him and eventually dropped it. He was once accused of shooting the deputy, but was later acquited. Codependent no more, he spends his summers roaming the midwest United States with a band of dysfunctional pirates, looking for water. His seductive and somnambular interpretation of "Civil Disobedience" in mime won critical acclaim among pet store owners everywhere.
He can balance pencil lead on his shoulder. His performances are set to his own original musical scores. This lends depth and complexity to the tricks he's learned from Ernest's book. The Average Juggler cooks for himself. He has learned to appreciate the subtlties of professional wrestling. His clubs are Renegades.
The Average Juggler manipulates balls, clubs, beanbags, devil sticks, diabolos, shaker cups, produce, hats, cigar boxes, cigars, playing cards, coins, unicycles, slinkys, flowerpots, bullwhips, lassos, MOTOS, and eats fire. He is part man, part myth, part legend, wanted in eight states, and is 99% cholesterol free. He may be a she.
And if he expects to make any money at it, he'd better be funny.
Peace,
-McD
(.sig wondering if we can define Average Juggler before we're done defining Juggler... oh no, not again...)
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